Because for that split second, everything is okay. Nothing is wrong in the world. You don’t feel happiness or sadness or anger. For the first time, you feel alright. And once you finally wake up completely, feelings are back. Your mind starts working again, filling your thoughts with why you were crying last night, and why you’re never happy. That is why I dread waking up. I just want to stay asleep and never wake up.
Do you ever get that feeling where you’re in a crowded room with a whole bunch of people, but nobody is saying a word? Complete silence. Slowly being driven insane. How about feeling worthless in the world? That you have no purpose and you feel unwanted. Do you ever wonder what would happen if you died? Who would care, who would be affected, and who wouldn’t even care about it at all? Do you lay in bed and watch the world go round around you and watch your life pass before your eyes and not care about what happens? I do. Nothing matters to me nowadays. I don’t care about life, about myself. Every day is just another day of torture. Sometimes, I just want to die. I can barely take it anymore.
Don’t stop chasing.
I think that one of the biggest reason why relationships do not work out in the long run is because at one point, one side (or both) stops trying. Before one claims another person as their significant other, they would do anything to make that person happy. They would chase, they would flirt, they would be charming. They would send daily morning and goodnight texts every time you wake up or go to sleep. They would write corny messages and pick up lines just to make sure that there is a smile upon your face. But once they claim you as theirs, all of those things eventually stop. The 5 page texts slowly turn into 1. The constant calls turn into not calling at all. And the lovely endearments turn into daily arguments. In order for a relationship to work, don’t ever stop chasing. Just because the person you want is now consider “yours”, it does not mean they deserve anything less than the time when you’re trying to win them over.